nights like these i miss you, crazy how like nothing and outta no where someone as special as you leaves this earth you leave me behind in this earth full a pain when you were the only one i kept it real with. I miss you i do i miss you so so much and the worst part is i cant tell you i can cry to you i cant hold you i cant love you anymore … here’s the catch i miss “ME” i miss who i used to be ….
i went to the mall to day and i ran into a really hot guy i used to know omg i was just melting the whole time he was selling me some portraits and thats proly why he was like saying sweet things to me lol…but i ended up buying the pictures =( im a sucker for hot guys at the mall god damn he was hot i get to see em again tomrrw when i take the pictures lmao…..im so stupid hahahahastill he made my day i was feeling sad
when i close my eyes my mind flips through pictures of us 5 years together and after all the things i stuck out with you i leave with out you and with a princess in arms and i gave thanks to you for helping me make such a beautiful thing but shes more mine than yours and every knows thats just the way it goes. You dont deserve some one like her and i still miss you after all the bull shit and again these pictures flip through my mind so i close em as long as i can maybe it’ll ease the pain.
its kinda like im stuck with you cause no one else will come and find me,
no one likes me,
no one sees what i have to offer,
i wanted you to be my everything, for a lifetime you were, but then you pushed me away to a point of no return,
things like that dont come easy to people like me, i tried everything, money, clothes, late nights and more,
you never could stay, you never could wait for someone like me you never wanted to see, everything i did for you, you had the nerve to put the blame on me,
just know even after all the name calling, face slapping, i look at you like a good man never gonna forget you cause you made me smile, but for you i did everything, you couldnt respect it, you could forget it,
so here i go suit case and all good bye to you, good bye to us cant say im mad that its over….see nothin lasts forever.
through out it all at the end of the day i dont care because all i want from you is a phone call away.
It hurts to know that i put you before my own selfworth you use me for money, drugs, to take you here there and in the end me and you go no where, but even with all that hurt all i expect from you is a phone call away,
if i do all this for you and you do nothing for me then who is left to like me
i told him crying, screaming, thinking and wishing he could see
wishing we could be, i told him look at me, think of me, cherish me, hold me, kiss me, be with me,
you’d rather be with them, be with that, holding her, being with her, shes hurting you, killing you, you dont know?
cant you see, your whole world is crumbling, before your eyes our love dies, and all because of you mostly because of her
i wish she could be a girl theres no competing with that one, i cant help you be on one you dont get the same high with me even at your highest with me, theres no beating that little thing, makes you feel like hercules fuck a perk-c
I held your hand to guide you through the dark time in your life and you repay me with jealous fits with every day that passes by i say i love you, you made me go crazy inside making me yern for those three stupid words i’d do anything just to hear them back but no never did and why because your pride was better than anything i ever tried.
When i try and walk out those doors you push me down, you hit me like a guy when you made my eyes dark as night and then you cried apologizing but that it was I, I pushed you to the point where you treat me worst than dirt but you claim to want this you brag about being there.
The times i held your hand in public and you’d push me away because she was there I made you look like an idiot I hurt you and what you stand for and everything you believe in i made it ware and tear and thats why i deserved it because you said i wouldnt be there.
You knew everything i’ve been through things i’ve done here and there you said you didnt care so where do we go from here? Stuck in a rut no love to spare, so this is where i leave I walked out but i will get somewhere i swear!
I found myself where couples go to confess their love, where the wind blows a feminine scent is a gentle caress on your nose, where roses are their guided path to a running fountain of fulfilled promises, where faithfulness ius imprinted in their souls in this place where i found myself everyone wore their heart on their sleeves in this beautiful place no one noticed anyone else, who they are with, what they were doing, all that seemed of importance to them was eachothers existence that was their root if happiness.
while studying this place i noticed there were all types of people walking around even though some are lonely some are in pairs, it seemed like in the end everyone who they were meant to be with they ended up together this place was like magic others patiently awaited the return of their other half the return of rythem to their heart…
and as many came and went, to and from me i began feeling hopelessness in the end they all left everyday that passed by the rose peddles on my path whithered away so i began to believe maybe there wasnt any one for me maybe this heart of mine was not meant to have rythem, this place was not meant for me my existence does not overwhelm anyones emotions just then and there i realized
the fountain that ran with the fulfilled promises was lonely as well so i thought of a land where the ocean and I are one where the sky meets the land, my existence is not of importance to a soul
in this place there was no guarantee of ending up with your soulmate whether or not you have one when you give up on yourself you never get to know
i was going to name you Gustavo i’ve noticed all gustavo’s leave a mark on this world and in people hearts =) you were going to be my first little boy you had an older sister waiting for you in this world. idk why this happened and how but i just want you to know i love you little baby boy with all my soul you were suppossed to be born december 19 of 2012 and no matter how much time goes by i’ll always remember you. you’re all my aspiration in life you are now in heaven and i hope to be there soon my cousin is there too i hope you two have met i love the both of you. i wanted to tell him about you so when i said good bye to him i asked him to take care of you i told him to tell you about me and im pretty sure he has hopefully God lets me see you and him one last time in heaven before its my time to go i love you both very much both of you have engraved good and bad in my heart and im not mad at God i dont ask him why but i do wish i had a little more time….. Good bye baby Gustavo abel Mendez, and good bye cousin i love you two so so much
I dont know why women seem to think they have to be in competition with their friends, cousins, sisters, aunts, nieces etc. when i began a friendship with women i never looked at them as if i was suppossed to walk around like i was better then them or looked better then them or dressed better than them had nicer things then them. never thought of that it never crossed my mind that in a friendship we had a silenced competition going on it was so horrible when i found out cause i was like “wtf really”??!! i was so confused i knew that maybe in high school even middle school play childish games but now why after a lot of lonely nights and wondering if God would ever send me someone who coud make me laugh or someone i could make laugh someone i could make inside jokes with because let me tell you family is not one we choose and it sure as heel isnt one we want to tell everything to except for exceptions in my life my sister is and has been my only true friend with out having to compete….anyway since i found out women are still like this even after high school i got to start thinking with women senses but with out turning into a freak who thinks everyones out to get them lol…. oh man best thing to do is let it go and have the other woman win cause it can get ugly and i do not want to go there again so heres my white flag YOU WIN!